What's the difference between a dead chicken in the road, and a dead ukulele player in the road?
There's a remote chance the chicken was on its way to a gig.
What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?
A ukulele player.
How do you make ukulele players complain?
Pay them.
How many ukulele players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
No one knows, no one ever looks at them.
What's the difference between a ukulele player and god?
god doesn't think he's a ukulele player
How many ukulele players does it take to change a light bulb?
"Oops, i broke it!"
What did the ukulele player get on his I.Q. Test?
Saliva.
What's the similarity between a ukulele player and a philosopher?
They both perceive time as an abstract concept.
Why was the ukulele player arrested?
He was in treble
What is the difference between a ukulele and a hoover?
You have to plug one of them in before it sucks.
What's the difference between a SCUD missile and a bad ukulele player?
A bad ukulele player can kill you.
How many ukulele players does it take to pave a driveway?
Seven - if you lay them out correctly.
Perfect Pitch: When you throw a ukulele into the toilet and it doesn't hit the sides.
What's the perfect weight of a ukulele player?
Three and one-half pounds, including the urn.
What do all great ukulele players have in common?
They're all dead
What do you do if you run over a ukulele player?
Back up.
How do you reduce wind-drag on a ukulele player's car?
Take the Domino's Pizza sign off the roof
How do you get a ukulele player out of a tree?
Cut the noose
What do you throw a drowning ukulele player?
His amp.
How do you get a three piece ukulele group to play in time?
Shoot two of therm.
What do you call a ukulele player with a college degree?
Night manager at McDonalds
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